Getting rid of some hats

The past 2 weeks has been really difficult for me. Lots of changes going on in my life.

After having an anxiety attack or two and inability to concentrate at work I decided I needed to take some time off.

Today I rode for a couple hours with E'llee in the buggy. I figured out that this week has been about getting rid of some hats and redefining my priorities.

First and foremost, my number one priority has been taking care of and loving E'llee. With Steph leaving and Cate on a business trip I decided that my number one priority for these weeks is for E'llee to feel safe and secure. It has been great for me. I feel like I am finally able to let go of all those other things that have pulled me in other directions.

Last year my life was very different. Everything was focused around my goal of doing IM Canada and making a certain time. This year unexpectedly my life is very different.

Now I work out to stay in shape and be healthy. Today I was able to let go of the pressure to lose weight and reach my optimum weight. Not that I won't be happy at a lower weight I need to find another motivation. Last year it was about getting more fit and faster for IMC this year I don't know what my motivation is yet. So now my goal is just to maintain and stay in shape, not Ironman shape, just fit.

Also the past few months has been about being the end all be all at work and that has taken it's toll as well. It's not my sole responsibility to make sure things get implemented. I need/want to set realisitic expectations about what I can and can't do. That means that i may need to push back at times at work. My time is valuable and I want to spend as much time as possible being mom to E'llee and not being the MVP at Tonkon Torp.

So maybe for the first time in my life I will find/seek balance instead of intensity and passion. Actually I think that is probably not true. My passion now is E'llee and helping her grow and prosper. I can't think of anything more important than that.